Authentically Adele

In our quest to nurture and guide our children through life, we may be captivated by the allure of comparison. Though we may not voice these comparisons aloud, within our hearts, they echo, influencing our thoughts and emotions. Unknown to others, we quietly measure our child’s progress against others; this could be a sibling or family and friends’ children of similar age. 

Adding ammunition to the weapon of comparison is social media. Social media constantly floods us with images and stories of gifted and talented children, and it’s natural to think that comparison is a good thing and could serve as a benchmark for excellence. We may even experience a sense of pride when our child surpasses their peers in certain areas. 

However, the real danger lies when we discover our child is not where we expected them to be. This is where things take a turn for the worst. Comparison can quickly lead to misplaced blame and unnecessary pressure on our children and relationships. Suddenly we begin to see all that’s ‘wrong’ with our child, then we turn on our partners and blame them for not ‘putting in any effort. Worse still, we put pressure on our children, forcing them to get where we feel they should be. Without realizing it, our once-content home becomes a place of discontentment, judgment, and expectation.

It’s normal and common for us as parents to fall into the snare of comparison, but that does not make it right. This is a lesson I am still learning, and I realized the pressing need to release myself from the clutches of comparison.

How did I stop comparing my child to others?

I frequently reminded myself that my child is embarking on a unique path that deserves unfettered appreciation. Whenever the clutches of comparison threatened to coil around my thoughts, I found the strength to stop their progress quickly, urging myself to abandon those treacherous mental pathways. Then I purposely redirect my focus on my child and appreciate where they are and how far they have come. This process will take time and persistence, but eventually, I got to where the shackles of comparison no longer bound me. 

The truth is…

The truth is the scales will always be unequal. Each child’s development is different to the other. So please don’t make another child’s reality your child’s standard. As parents, we are responsible for cultivating an environment that fosters our child’s individuality and growth. Avoid the allure of comparison, recognizing that each child’s journey is unique and incomparable to another’s. 

Every day remind yourself to embrace your child’s distinct qualities and give them unwavering love, support, and encouragement. Creating an environment where comparisons are set aside gives your child the freedom to thrive, flourish and grow into the person they were destined to be. Remember, the journey of personal development is not a race but a lifelong process.

Have you ever fallen into the trap of comparison? If so, how did you free yourself?