Authentically Adele

1 September 2023

Today is exactly one month since my dad passed away. The last few days have been a struggle for me emotionally… I simply miss my dad. I have been battling with a few decisions. I want to take a break from certain things, but I keep hearing my dad’s voice and what he would say, “Don’t base decisions on emotions.…” or “ministry and life do not stop because of feelings….” And so, for this month, I have tried to live up to these great words of advice….

However, I spoke with my hubby last night, and he shared some truths I wholeheartedly received. And then today, I had the most beautiful call with my mum. Just her and I… I shared my heart, and she shared hers. In our talking, a profound revelation hit home……”one cannot live one’s life for the dead….. Let me explain.“

During this season filled with grief and profound sorrow, I’ve come to a profound realization about myself, and maybe this could help someone, too. I have been navigating life’s choices guided by my father’s invaluable lessons over the years. These teachings have proven to be not only excellent but also incredibly necessary. In this past month, everything that I have said and done, I have tried to do with my dad in mind. It was my way of ensuring that my father’s memories and way of life remain vividly present in my life. Simply knowing that my father would be so proud of me right now… “for applying what I learned… for doing what he has tried to teach me for so long.”

Every action I have taken from the moment he passed till now is a heartfelt tribute to his loving memory and a profound honour to his legacy.

My father had a unique approach to living life, which some might have perceived as harsh at times or unyielding. He was clear about one thing: never base your decisions on emotions. However, in recent days, I’ve found myself wrestling with an internal struggle. I simply cannot separate my emotions from the situation at hand. In my grief journey, which I have been documenting (and will share at some pint), I realized that grief and mourning aren’t one of those seasons where I need to suppress my feelings; it feels like a season where I must fully embrace every emotion, allowing them to wash over me, and ultimately, conquer them all, one at a time.

The harsh reality is that my dad has passed away; he’s no longer here on this earthly plane. I’ve learned that I’m not built and equipped like my father to live life like he did. While finding reassurance in carrying out actions and embracing life in honour of our departed loved ones might seem comforting, it’s a fleeting and ultimately deceptive form of comfort. If I am honest, it’s a false sense of comfort, and here is why:

Whenever I try to live my life in memory of my dad, I bury and lose a piece of me. I find myself basing decisions on what he would have said or done, gradually assuming his character and personality and overshadowing my own. In doing so, I now take on who my father was and unknowingly dim the radiance of who I truly am and who I am destined to become.

It’s heartwarming to commemorate the memory of a beloved individual. Still, it’s essential to tread carefully, for there’s a dangerous path where we can inadvertently lose fragments of ourselves. My cherished father lived his earthly life for the 63 precious years God granted him. There will never be another like the ones we have loved and lost.

Therefore, the most profound way to pay homage and celebrate the life of a departed loved one is by becoming the finest version of yourself. When we strive for excellence and flourish in our unique ways, it serves as a powerful tribute to those who’ve passed on before us. It demonstrates that the seeds they sowed and nurtured in our lives were not in vain; they’re on the cusp of bearing fruit.

I know I have a long way to go, but this freed me today. I will continue trying to break free from the shackles of living solely in the shadow of the departed. And now, I will learn to make some decisions for myself not based on the dead but on me… the one living. I carry with me the invaluable lessons my father imparted. I am determined to incorporate them into my unique journey, forging my path and doing things that align with my true self, all in line with the Word of God 🙂